Finding out a friend has cancer can be overwhelming and confusing. You might wonder how to help, what to say, or if you’ll say the wrong thing. The truth is your friend still needs you to just be there as a friend more than ever. While no one expects you to have all the answers or fix things, simply showing you care makes a big difference.
“I didn’t need my friends to say the right thing. I just needed them to still message me like normal, to remind me I was still me.” Ruby, 18 years old
This guide from the Queensland Youth Cancer Service provides practical tips on how to listen with care, offer meaningful support, respect personal boundaries, and take care of your own wellbeing along the way.
Be present and check in regularly
Consistent connection is powerful. Keep inviting your friend to hang out or join activities, even if they sometimes say no. Respect their wishes and energy levels, but know that your presence, whether in person or via messages, reminds them they’re not alone. Sometimes just asking “How are you going?” shows you care.
“Even when I couldn’t go out, it meant so much when friends still asked me to come. It reminded me I was still part of things, even if I wasn’t there.” Lachlan, 16 years old.
Listen more than you talk
Your friend might want to share feelings, fears or frustrations. Let them guide the conversation without rushing to offer advice or comparisons. Avoid clichés like “At least it’s not…” Instead, acknowledge their emotions with simple, genuine responses like “That sounds really tough” or “I’m here for you.” Silence is okay too.
Offer specific help
Cancer treatment disrupts routines and energy. Offer to help in concrete ways: bringing favourite snacks, running errands, or helping with schoolwork. Small gestures can ease their burden and show practical support.
Maintain normalcy
While acknowledging the illness is important, your friend will also benefit from everyday conversations and activities. Talk about school, hobbies or shared interests to provide a sense of normal life and distraction.
“I loved when my friends still talked about normal stuff, gossip, school, whatever. It made me feel like life hadn’t completely changed.” Mia, 16 years old.
Respect boundaries and take care of yourself
Your friend may need space to process their feelings, so respect when they want to be alone. Remember, supporting someone with cancer doesn’t mean you have to be available 24/7 or sacrifice your own wellbeing. It’s okay to set limits, express your feelings, and seek support from others for yourself too.
Understand your own feelings
It’s normal to feel scared, confused or helpless. You might worry about your friend or even your own health. Accept your emotions without guilt. Supporting a friend through cancer is a journey, with ups and downs for both of you.
Friends are one of the most important parts of life, and cancer doesn’t change that. Being there for your friend through this can be tough at times, but your care and support can make a real difference and bring you closer as you face one of the hardest challenges together.
“My friends didn’t fix everything, but they made the hardest days easier. That’s what I’ll always remember.” Sienna, 17 years old.
Note: Names in this article have been changed for privacy.
Useful resources
- Canteen video series offers advice on how to support friends or loved ones impacted by cancer.
- Supporting Your Friend When They Have Cancer | Canteen Australia
- Supporting Someone When They Have Cancer | Canteen Australia
- Advice On Supporting Someone When They Have Cancer | Canteen Australia
Queensland Youth Cancer Service (QYCS)
Queensland Youth Cancer Service | Health and wellbeing | Queensland Government
The Queensland Youth Cancer Service provides expert care to young people aged between 15-25 years of age with cancer. Our service specialises in diagnosis, treatment and psychosocial support for young people and their families. The team support young people across Queensland in public and private treatment settings, with centres in Brisbane, Gold Coast, and Townsville, and telehealth options for those outside these areas.
Referrals are welcome from GPs, cancer service staff, or self-referral by young people and their families.
Phone: (07) 3068 1838
Email: QYCS@health.qld.gov.au