A letter from a bereaved mother
You are in my thoughts
A member of the Community Advisory Group has crafted a deeply personal letter to share with other bereaved families. These compassionate words are intended to provide comfort and support.
I am deeply sorry for the loss of this precious child in your family. Words cannot always express what you must be experiencing and feeling right now. I too, understand what it is like to lose a child and my children have experienced the deep loss of a sibling.
A few years ago, my child passed away at nearly 10 months, from a rare and debilitating, metabolic disease. The grief we experienced as a family was overwhelming, as we saw all of our hopes and dreams for our child ebb away at the finality of our child’s death. I remember feeling so torn between my deep sense of loss and great love for my child who was no longer with us and my family who remained, reeling in our grief and desperately needing the support of each other.
I discovered that I have to be kind to myself (and my family) and give myself permission to feel what I need to and not have any expectations or time frames on my grief. I will slowly heal and recover in the way I need to, and this is my own journey. I can share my pain and talk about my child I miss. I can also hold my child tightly in my heart and choose not to share my precious memories because the pain of it is too great to unveil. Either is acceptable. But however, I choose to do this is always based upon honouring my child in the way I see fit. You will also find your own ways to honour your child in special celebrations and occasions and keep their memory alive.
I remember a friend so aptly explaining to me about how grief comes in waves – sometimes the waves are small, and other times they are crushing and huge and we feel powerless to stop them. Nevertheless, waves will still come in varying intensity and yet life will somehow continue. Life will become meaningful and purposeful again. Give it time, however long that may take. You are not alone. Others have experienced this journey also and somehow survived it. I have heard it told many times that the loss of a child is the greatest loss a person can face. Perhaps, like the butterfly, you can go through a great deal of transformation and darkness and yet still become something beautiful, despite your pain. Do not give up hope. This is not the end of your story.